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Tom Mountain, a school committee candidate in Newton, Mass., opposes some lessons being taught in his local schools.

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Meg Soens has supported diversity education in the Lexington, Mass., school system since 1999, well before the state legalized gay marriage. “This town is progressive.”

LEXINGTON, Mass. — The same-sex marriage debate has raged for months in Maine, but much of the rhetoric has involved another New England state: Massachusetts.

The liberal stronghold of the region was the first state to legalize same-sex marriage, in 2004. Four states have since joined Massachusetts – New Hampshire, Iowa, Connecticut and Vermont.

Maine's Legislature and governor legalized same-sex marriage in May. On Tuesday, voters will decide whether to repeal the law.

Opponents of same-sex marriage in Maine have suggested that if the law stands, schools will teach children about gay marriage. It happened in Massachusetts, they argue, pointing in particular to well-publicized parent-school conflicts in Lexington.

A visit to Massachusetts does shows that in some liberal towns, schools take education about gay families very seriously, and began incorporating it into curriculums years before same-sex marriage was legal.

But in more conservative communities, the subject of gay families and same-sex marriage simply hasn't been a concern.

"It hasn't had any effect," said Charles Gobron, superintendent of the Northborough-Southborough Schools. "For all the issues we face, that has not been one of them."

Massachusetts doesn't require schools to teach about same-sex or opposite-sex marriage, said J.C. Considine, director of board and media relations for the state Department of Education.

The state does make health education recommendations. For example, by fifth grade, students should be able to define sexual orientation using correct terms such as heterosexual, gay and lesbian. By the end of the eighth grade, they should be able to identify sexual discrimination and harassment.

By high school graduation, they should be able to "identify possible determinants of sexual orientation and analyze the weight of each in light of available research," and "describe the influence of gender on identity and self-concept."

At issue in Lexington were books sent home with, or read to, elementary school students that dealt with same-gender families. They were in the schools well before 2004.

"This town is progressive," said Meg Soens, a gay parent who began working with Lexington schools on diversity training for staff members regarding same-sex families in 1999. At the time, two of her children were about to enter kindergarten.

"I wanted my kids – and the kids of other gay and lesbian parents – to feel safe and to have self-respect and not be shamed at school," she said.

Other parents had warned her that the word "gay" was often used as an insult by kids in school, so she began working with other parents in the schools to increase sensitivity.

"It was time," Soens said.

Over the next few years, various schools used the training, and libraries began stocking books that acknowledged same-sex families.

Soens said it was important for the kids of gay parents to see books that acknowledged their types of families.

"Books are like windows and mirrors, they tell you that you're part of the world," said Soens. "Those little kids who read them need to know they belong there."

Lexington is working on a new curriculum that mentions gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people in various lessons, she said. In community discussions, parents with special-needs children are asking that lessons addressing family situations like theirs be included in the curriculum change.

Laura Tully, a straight parent who has been involved in the issue, said same-sex family education was a progression of civil rights work that had been done in Lexington for years.

"It was more of the same," she said. "To me, gay marriage never had anything to do with this."

But critics said Massachusetts' law change affected schools, despite the fact that marriage isn't part of the curriculum.

Brian Cameker, president...