It's Sunday collection time at Our Lady of Equality Church. The usher, having already passed by once, is coming around again. And the gentle, kindly Church Lady is confused

Church Lady (whispering): Excuse me, young man, but what's this extra collection for?

Usher: To save society, ma'am.

Church Lady: I beg your pardon?

Usher: It's the new same-sex marriage law, ma'am. We need to overturn it – and fast.

Church Lady: Oh, my. I just read about that in my newspaper last week. But I thought the article said it was only about civil marriage and it has nothing to do with churches?

Usher: It doesn't – not directly. But the bishop is worried that if men start marrying men and women start marrying women, society will collapse. You see, ma'am, same-sex marriage, church or no church, is very, very dangerous. These people will stop at nothing until they've torn the social fabric to shreds.

Church Lady: But Ted and Ray, they're such nice young men, have been living next door to me for the past 15 years and they haven't torn anything. They even bring me vegetables and flowers from their garden in the summer, and in the winter they shovel my doorstep without me even asking. How can that be dangerous?

Usher: They're not married yet. It's only after they get married that they become dangerous. They start adopting kids and the next thing you know the kids become juvenile delinquents and burdens on society because they don't have a dad and a mom.

Church Lady: But Ted and Ray already have a little boy, he's from Asia, and he's just the cutest little thing. And well-behaved? I've never seen a child so happy and respectful.

Usher: Give it time, ma'am, give it time. Now I'd love to keep chatting, but Father needs to get on with the Mass. Are you going to donate or aren't you?

Church Lady (looking inside her purse): Hmmm ... well I don't have a lot of money. I've been pinching my pennies lately like everyone else. But I do have this five dollars I was going to donate to the church soup kitchen –

Usher: We'll take it!

Church Lady: But what about the soup kitchen?

Usher: Don't worry, ma'am, a little extra water and that soup goes a long way. Besides, with society under siege by same-sex married couples, everyone has to make sacrifices. Even the poor people.

Church Lady: But if I give this five dollars to you instead of them, what will it be used for?

Usher: Mostly television, is my understanding.

Church Lady: You're going to buy a television? Whatever for?

Usher: No, Ma'am. Television time – we need to get on the air warning people about same-sex marriage. And that costs lots and lots of money. And the church doesn't have as much money as it used to on account of the you know

Church Lady: Those terrible priests?

Usher: Ah right. But let's not go there.

Church Lady: But weren't those terrible priests a threat to society? They molested young children, for goodness sake! All Ted and Ray do is grow vegetables!

Usher (nervously looking at the altar): Ma'am, Father's motioning for me to keep moving. Now are you going to give us the five dollars or not?

Church Lady: I'm afraid I can't. I can feel God telling me right now that there are much better uses for my money than saving society from Ted and Ray and their precious little Korean boy and their vegetable garden.

Usher: Better uses? Ma'am, we're talking about the future of civilization as we know it! What better uses could there be for your money than that?

Church Lady (opening her Bible): They're right here, see? Feed the hungry ... clothe the naked ... shelter the homeless ...

Usher (moving on): Sorry you see it that way, ma'am....