enlarge John Ewing/Staff Photographer

Andrew Baer, left, of Bethesda, Md., and Steve Robinson of Dexter, both freshmen at Bowdoin College, didn’t anticipate any problems with their holiday homecomings.

enlarge John Ewing/Staff Photographer

Jacob Verhey, home in Brunswick for the first time since starting his freshman year at the University of Vermont in August. His mother, Carol Verhey, was “itching,” to see him, but was warned to expect him to be more independent.

ABOUT THIS SERIES

THANKSGIVING JOURNEYS examines personal journeys that Mainers are taking this holiday.

Thanksgiving couldn't come soon enough this year for Carol Verhey. Her 18-year-old son was coming home to Brunswick for the first time since leaving for college three months ago.

Verhey was "just itching" to see Jacob, a freshman at the University of Vermont. But she had been forewarned by a relative whose kids have graduated from college about what to expect: "Carol, don't be surprised if Jake walks in the door, gives you a kiss and turns around and walks back out."

Sure enough, Jacob Verhey arrived late Friday and took off less than 24 hours later on a three-day camping trip to Acadia National Park with friends.

But the family did plan to spend Thanksgiving together. And in the short time before Jacob left for his trip, he helped his father build a deck on the back of the house and sat down and had a thoughtful talk with his mother about school and his younger brother.

"I made sure to get my priorities straight and spend time with both my mother and my father and my friends," Jacob Verhey said this week. "I made sure to make a balance. That's one of the things school has taught me: how to balance things and put things in priority."

Thanksgiving is a time when many people reunite with their families and friends. A Thanksgiving journey can take on special significance when someone who left home as a "child" just out of high school returns as a young adult who is used to making independent decisions at college. To ensure a happy holiday, parents and their children might need to make adjustments.

"It's the longest break you've ever had from your parents, apart from summer camp," said Tim Mason-Osann, 21, of Gorham, a junior at St. Michael's College in Vermont.

He remembers his first return home, at Thanksgiving as a freshman. Stepping back into family life was difficult, he recalled.

"After you spend a lot of time at college, when you come back you feel you're under constant surveillance by your family," Mason-Osann said.

He said he chafed during that holiday break when he'd head out with friends and his father would say things like: "Don't forget to be home at 5:30 for dinner."

He said that his father, Richard Osann, has mellowed over time.

Perhaps, but Osann said he hasn't stopped insisting that his children be respectful when they're at home.

"I've always told them that when they're in this house, they have to follow house rules," Osann said. "If they're staying up to 3 in the morning, they can't come tromping up the stairs loudly and leaving lights on."

Osann and his wife, Rosemary Osann, are getting twice the experience this week. They have been empty-nesters since his daughter, Emily Mason-Osann, left in September for her freshman year at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire.

Emily, 18, arrived home this week to have Thanksgiving with her father, brother and stepmother.

"I think it will be really different, because my parents aren't going to be used to me wanting to make decisions by myself," Emily said in an interview before she arrived home. "I'm a little nervous because I'm not sure what it's going to be like, but I'm also excited to be going home."

Not every college student finds returning to the nest a struggle.

Steve Robinson, 18, a freshman at Bowdoin College in Brunswick, had already been home two or three times because his family is just a two-hour drive away, in Dexter.

He said he found that going away and coming back "really puts the parent thing in perspective you start to have some respect for the role they play in your life."

Instead of being annoyed by parental advice, he said he's come to find it "comforting."

Andrew Baer, 19, of Bethesda, Md., another Bowdoin freshman, had not been home since school started this fall, but his parents had come to visit him. He didn't anticipate any problems reuniting with his family and friends over Thanksgiving, although he did expect...