It was bound to happen eventually, and no one wanted to see it happen. But today, Videoport Jones and I must finally confront "Twilight."

Well, that and this week's other new DVD releases.

Quantum of Solace

Videoport Jones: "Daniel Craig is back, lending his particularly-effective brand of burly, thuggish savoir faire once again to the formerly-wilting Bond franchise. Which is good. Unfortunately, the Broccolis have brought in Marc Forster (whose adequate mediocrity has ladled out such C+ films as 'Monster's Ball,' 'Finding Neverland,' and 'The Kite Runner') to take over from 'Casino Royale's' Martin Campbell (an otherwise pedestrian director who has directed the only two decent Bond films in decades ['GoldenEye' was the other]), and that decision, plus a significantly-weaker script, make the inauspiciously-titled 'Q of S' something of a letdown. Silly Broccolis. Sure, Craig is still rock-solid, figuratively and literally, making Bond into a three-dimensional (well, maybe two-and-a-half), human guy, who just so happens to be super-cool and able to do things that he shouldn't be able to, but he's surrounded by a couple of bland Bond girls, an ill-defined adversary (QUANTUM, the new SPECTRE, is pretty nebulous), a plot bordering on the perfunctory, and, most damagingly, Forster's wannabe-'Bourne' direction which effectively chops every action set-piece into MTV montage, robbing the scenes of coherence and force. It's too bad, because there's a lot to like in this Bond. Get Campbell back, find some better Bond girls, definitely enlarge the role of the Jeffrey Wright's Felix Lighter, continue to eschew the gadgetry, and, what the hell, throw in a ski chase next time. There, I've diagnosed the problems, now snap to it Broccolis."

Justin: "Oh heck YES, a ski chase is needed! Only in the world of Bond are people able to actually follow somone down a black diamond slope, in an avalanche, dodge trees and fire automatic weapons. I love it. As for 'Q of S,' I sadly have to agree with you. It was a complete letdown and it didn't have to be; there were some really good aspects to the story, the first being that Bond is literally on edge and almost out of control. But they didn't really work with that. The other is bringing back the shadowy global conglomerate adversary. And that was ill-defined and otherwise a waste. This was supposed to be a new era of Bond, where our hero is a little less perfect, the shades of gray are deep and there is no such thing as a win. But you're right, we ended up with a half-hearted Bourne clone. And I LOVED the Bourne movies. I feel like Forster focused too much on the brute-thug aspects of 'Casino Royale,' (which I loved by the way), and not the brooding, messy, message that being a gun for hire (for her majesty) has consequences. Still, I think the biggest letdown here is the complete waste of Jeffery Wright in this flick. Wright is a bad, bad man in pretty much any role he touches, and I was so happy that a.) they brought back the role of Felix, and b.) they brought in Wright for the job. And he was just scenery in this flick. Aside from Craig, Wright and Dame Judi (yes mum) Dench are the most solid actors they have in this enterprise. Broccolis...do better. Please?"

Twilight

VPJ: "I recognize that I'm opening myself up to charges of old fogeyism by dismissing this tween-y vampire phenomenon out of hand, since I am (barring Justin, of course) the biggest, oldest, and hairiest fan of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' in all the land, but, jesus, have you actually watched this thing? Apart from the fact that the whole 'Romeo and Juliet' vampire thing has been done, twice over no less, in the Buffyverse (cast your votes for Buffy-Angel vs Buffy-Spike in the comments section) waaaaay better than this, this piece of pre-packaged teen marketing is populated by the worst collection of young actors I've seen outside of the WB. Did any of them actually star on the WB at some point? Maybe on the O.C.? I'm too uninterested to look it up. All seven season of 'Buffy' and all five of 'Angel' remain available in the horror section at Videoport, of course, right next to this limp, pallid, little guy. Pass the hair gel."

JE: "'Angel's lame. His hair goes straight up and he's bloody stupid!' That quote from Spike, I think sums up 'Twilight' for me. But what do I know. Look, we're both on the same page here when it comes to 'sexy vampires and the women who love them' in popular culture. Anyone who knows me that I'd take David Boreanaz over this Pattinson kid any day. (of course some might also accuse me of having a man-crush on Boreanaz. We can discuss that another time.) But if we look at this all we're going to see at every turn are examples of how Joss Whedon did it better. And it will make us nostalgic, happy, and then frustrated. I think I am just going to have to come to grips with the fact that I'm not the target audience for this tweened-up silliness. And that's probably ok. I don't have to like it. In fact I really don't like it. But it doesn't have to be an affront to the teenage vampire lore closest to my heart. Sunnydale, Giles, Buffy, Angel and Spike still exist on DVD (and comics, thankfully) and that's where I'll be. (Also, did you know today is Alyson "Willow! I need service!" Hannigan's birthday?)"

Bolt

VPJ: "John Travolta voices the titular pup, a movie star dog who, when he gets lost cross-country, believes his own PR and thinks he has his silver screen alter ego's superpowers. That's the set up, all right. It's cute enough, although, even in poochy form, I remain unimpressed by Travolta these days, and not terribly bothersome, guaranteeing the above-average entertainment value you get from any non-Pixar cartoon these days. (Pixar's latest 'Up' comes out in theaters in May, by the way, by which time, 'Bolt' will have faded from everybody's memory completely)."

JE: "I'll take a step back from the non-Pixar bashing for a second to say if you've got kids, and want a decent animated feature to sit and watch with them...then go get this. Is it not as high quality (in terms of production, voice acting or story) as Pixar? Probably not. Is the plot a rehash gumbo of other Disney adventures? (If you start to think about it, 'Homeward Bound,' 'Oliver and Company,' 'The Shaggy DA'...wait, no.) Yes. But as we've talked about many, many times before, there are a lot of studios pumping out less-than-stellar family films these days, and even worse fare when it comes to animated features. While not perfect, 'Bolt' is passable. So let's call this a push."

In Treatment - Season 1

VPJ: "HBO's post -'Wire,' post-'Sopranos,' post-'Six Feet Under' drama slump continues. Like 'John from Cincinnati,' this one suffers in comparison to its predecessors, but is actually pretty good on its own terms. Gabriel Byrne is solid as ever as a shrink who, in dealing with a six-pack of troubled patients, finds himself doubting his abilities and turning for solace to his former therapist, Dianne Wiest. As I said, its a well-made, well-acted show that just didn't take off and, sadly, for understandable reasons. Again, not a bad show at all (I'm especially happy to see the underrated Josh Charles from 'Sports Night' excelling as half of a pair of unhappy married patients), but for those of us waiting for the golden HBO touch to return, it just misses. (Perhaps David Simon's (creator of 'The Wire,' duh) new New Orleans-set series 'Treme' (costarring 'The Wire's' Lester Freamon and The Bunk)) will set things aright)."

JE: "Since I don't have HBO I'm not ready to make the call on whether the network has taken a creative slide. I'm especially not willing to make that call considering the new Danny McBride series 'Eastbound and Down,' which looks outright hilarious. But there is no denying that they have had some misses at the plate, including 'John from Cincinnati.' And the jury is probably still out on 'True Blood,' (let's not go down the vampire hole again and just leave that one be for now.) 'In Treatment' has a solid premise, a great lead in Byrne and great guest stars including Weist, Michelle Forbes and Blair Underwood, so it deserves a shot. If people were willing to put up with Kelsey Grammer as a TV shrink for many seasons, this show deserves a chance."

Andy Richter Controls the Universe - The complete series

VPJ: "'The complete series,' indeed. Poor Andy. In this, yet another in the long line of quickly-cancelled series Mr. R. has lost, Andy plays, well, Andy, a lovable, funny dumpling of a guy who escapes the realities of his humdrum office job by letting his imagination re-cast himself as the hero of his own life. It's a charming, likable little show that deserved better than it got. Well, perhaps Andy's new/old gig returning as Conan's estimable sidekick will ensure that he gets to star in another doomed series at some point in the future."

JE: "Man that is just bleak. Really, really bleak. But then again, so is his IMDB.com profile, which is just a laundry list of awesome guest-starring stints, not to mention his busts as a lead, including this and 'Andy Baker, PI,' and 'Quintuplets.' It started with 'Controls the Universe,' which I thought was a funny show. Sure the premise was a little familiar, thanks to 'Scrubs,' but it had Andy, who has this comforting mix of hilariousness and lovableness. Maybe we were not ready for it as a nation. But I'm also happy (mixed with sad over the state of his career as a lead) that he's re-teaming with Conan."

Big Stan

VPJ: "Rob Schneider directs himself. Oh dear god. In this one, Rob is sent to prison (no, not for 'The Hot Chick') and tries to tough himself up in order to make himself slightly less attractive as rape-bait with the help of David Carradine's would-be kooky kung fu master. I dunno, I don't really harbor any ill will towards Little Rob; he made me laugh more than once on 'SNL,' and he seems like a nice enough fella, but his movies (to quote Roger Ebert) 'suck.' There's some small hope for this one in that is was written by Joseph Lieb, who's written for 'NewsRadio' and 'The Daily Show.' Is that enough to make me watch this? Ummm..."

JE: "I'm just gonna start running down a list, see if you can follow, 'Hot Chicks,' 'The Animal,' 'Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo,' 'Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo.' If not for Adam Sandler's fondness and devotion to Schneider, I would not have seen him in a feature film. Want to know why? Because, as you quoted Mr. Ebert, his movies 'suck.' I'm sorry. I'm not one to be outright mean, but to me Schneider's movies are the comedic equivalent of tourture porn like the 'Saw' franchise. I don't understand it, why they continue to happen or why people go to see them. Schneider seemed like a funny enough guy on 'SNL,' and has had his moments in Sandler's movies, but his feature career strikes me as a train wreck. I'll take a pass."

Parting shots - consider the following questions:

- How do you like your Bond? Brooding thug? Effortless playboy? Bourne 2.0?
- Twilight: Do Justin and Jonesy just not get it?
- What's it gonna take for Andy Richter to get his shot?

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