First time I fired up the Scanner in 2009 and it ran like a dream. I take it as a good sign that no matter how times change or how crappy the economy gets, the Internet never seems to run out of hilarious, disturbing and downright bizarre stuff.

Dive in.

Prepare for tourists early. According to the Baltimore Sun Portland is a fun (and more importantly cheap) destination. Thanks, guys.

This "Yes We Canned" T-shirt would be hilarious and on my wish list if I didn't live in fear of it happening to me.

Speaking of media cuts, how bad is it? Apparently so bad that even the Daily Planet is laying off seasoned reporters.

Christian McNeil has the scoop on the arrival of Portland's first car sharing service, U Car Share, which has opened up shop and has a PT Cruiser already for use.

In more transportation news: Since Portland lacks a subway system, we'll have to forgo this weekend's no pants subway ride. Public Transportation Fail. [Laughing Squid]

Also in transportation - Australia decided to get real when it comes to stopping street racers: "Stay off the roads or you'll end up in prison with hairy perverts." Uh...message received.

New York's department of public health must have teamed up with the department of the obvious on this survey, which found that New Yorkers who drink are more likely to have more sexual partners.

The bailout no one saw coming, but will make a lot on DVD: Larry Flynt and Joe "Gone Wild" Francis say the porn industry needs a bailout.

When the next great depression occurs it could be crucial to dress accordingly. Cargo pants and shotguns, together again.

Science marches on (and then goes to the club because it can't stop dancing) as researchers in Australia are giving bees coke. As in powder, white gold, Columbian snowfall...you get the idea.

Also, scientists are apparently also working on creating a love potion. They're working for the betterment of humanity. Neatorama]

It's easy to complain about info graphics dumbing things down, but this explainer of why GM could still fail even with a bailout is pretty interesting. [Consumerist]

And for kicks, why not try to figure out this chart from the Air Force on how officers should comment on blogs. Good luck with that. [Io9]

"They met only once, but they stayed crunchy forever:" The Breakfast Cereal Club

Would you believe you can build your own Mr. Fusion and run your car on garbage? Rev that baby up to 88. [Gizmodo]

Little did we know America was electing a president who is not afraid to tackle hard economic times, but also brunch and the powerful urge to nap. [Best Week Ever]

The AV Club's Hater assures us all that a reality TV show based on pranks and catching criminals on Fox is a good thing. Really.

"He looked like he had had a few drinks and decided to do a late night break in, but he hadn't counted on the God of Thunder living here." [G4]

Headline: "6-Year-old steals parents car to get to school,says he learned from video games." Of course.

Bacon link of the week (or, another line on the list of things that will kill Justin) is the BBQ Bacon Explosion. That's right, it's a layer of bacon, sausage, slathered in BBQ sauce and cooked on the grill. Get the charcoal ready. (Thanks to Amanda)

Also this week in bacon: The Bacon Cheese Roll. Just looking at it will make your heart sting. But I have a saying, Neglect the pain, embrace the pork. What could possibly go wrong.

I must have these (more than a little bittersweet) motivation posters of Hunter S. Thompson. Which should I choose to have framed on my desk to ward off visitors?

I love this and I have to think anyone who grew up in Generation NXT is going to dig it too: A monologue by a father who is disappointed in his son's play on Oregon Trail. You have died of dysentery.

Finally, here's Michael Phelps' guide to intimidating everyone around you. Olympian-style of course.

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