Sorry for the one day delay, but my body may still be on ROFLCon-standard time. Things don't happen in the same time and space there that they do in real life. Trust me.

Regardless, here's this week's line-up of new DVD releases, including "The Golden Compass," "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly," "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!," and the second season of "Friday Night Lights!"

As always the Stockton to my Malone, Videoport Jones is here to run plays.

The Golden Compass

Videoport Jones: "The newest entry in the 'fantasy films made from childrens book series I never read' sweepstakes is this star-sprinkled adaptation of Philip Pullman's apparently-beloved books. What I do know is that it's got some real actors (Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Christopher Lee, Ian McKellan [who may or may not be voicing a polar bear- I'm not sure], Sam Elliot and others), and that, surprise!, it was threatened, picketed, boycotted, vilified, and sight-unseen condemned by churchy types for suggesting, as it appears to, that science and reason are preferable to blind faith, oppressive religious zealotry, and, ironically enough, condemning things they haven't even seen and don't understand. Weird, huh?"

Justin: "I too was unfamiliar with the 'His Dark Materials' series before the movie came out, but quickly got up to speed thanks to the competing articles about how much people loved the series, or how much they hated it. Can't say it's a must-see for me, but I'd probably give it a rent since I'm already inclined towards J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis' now film-ified series. (Do you have to have an initialed first name to get in that sci-fantasy book game?) ANYWAY, to your point about people condemning films before their release - I've never understood that at all. Who has the right to say 'DON'T LOOK!" before actually seeing anything? It seems silly and a little arrogant. Plus there's so many movies worth condemning AFTER seeing them."

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

VPJ: "Director Julian Schnabel has made two great movies so far ('Basquiat' and 'Before Night Falls'), both about real-life troubled artists. Well, it's hard to think of an artist more troubled than the subject of this one, Jean-Dominique Bauby, who, after a stroke could only move his left eye. Damn. Take that Christy Brown, with your measly left foot! Try writing a book by communicating only with your left eye! Even Helen Keller could still move around and put her hand under water. Seriously, folks, Schnabel (a famous abstract expressionist painter whose work I always though of as overrated self-indulgence) has quietly become one of the best living filmmakers. Maybe I'll have to go back and look at his painting...wait...I just did, and it's still not great. Really good director, though."

JE: "So doing a little bit of research on this, apparently it took two minutes of blinking to get one word on the page. Now multiply that and stop and think. I can't even begin to think of what that's like. That takes some serious will and dedication. It's been a while since I've watched 'Basquiat,' but I did enjoy it alot - but that may have been because it had Bowie as Andy Warhol...and if that is not mind blowing, then I don't know what is. A good film, so I'll take your word Jonsey!"

27 Dresses

VPJ:"Katherine Heigl, who condemned her previous (and genuinely funny) film 'Knocked Up' as 'sexist' strikes a bold blow for the dignity and artistic achievement of women everywhere by starring in a bland chick flick about a pretty, pretty woman who is all sad inside 'cause her friends are all gettin' married but she...isn't! That'll show 'em. With the matchingly-bland James (Cyclops) Marsden as the man who solves all of her problems by mating up with her. At least the excellent Judy Greer ('Arrested Development') is in there somewhere, not that I'll ever see her work (unless someone makes me an edit of the film that just features her). Pass."

JE: "You pretty much summed it up. I find it funny that she had no problem taking the role, filming it, promoting it, and getting her share of the resulting Apatow/Rogen cash. So there is that to consider. While part of me wants to go ahead and dismiss this as outside my field of interest or expertise, I also think that there is such a thing as a good romantic comedy. I seems like it should not be that difficult to make. I feel like this one was so bland that even the target audience (hello, ladies) even took a pass on this one."

Nanking

VPJ: "Searing documentary about one of the most, well let's just say regrettable, moments in the fun, fun history of modern war when the Japanese army sacked the titular former capital of China and killed, raped and generally wailed on about a quarter million Chinese peasants (you know, the ones too poor to pick up and flee the area; good thing it was only a typhoon and not the Imperial Army that hit New Orleans...or maybe not). Anyway, the doc tells the largely untold story of a group of Westerners who, trapped along with the peasants, somehow managed to hold off the invaders with words, guile, and diplomacy and save a bunch of people. With celebrity voices reading period documents: Woody Harrelson, Jurgen Prochnow, Stephen Dorff (who I still maintain, in spite of his last 20 movies or so, is very talented)."

JE: "Jonesy, when will you learn people don't care about documentaries? They don't care about history. No one wants to be reminded of the awful, turn-your-face-away-or-take-a-bathroom-break parts of human history. Especially if those moments hold any resonance to current events or tragedy closer to home. Silly man. We want movies to make us feel good or even better about ourselves. Movies that can backup and never challenge our beliefs. And no one, no one, wants more Stephen Dorff. No one."

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!'

VPJ: "The question of whether or not your mind can handle this surreal, dadaist, hyperspazz Adult Swim comedy show might hinge on whether you dug these two dudes' previous show 'Tom Goes to the Mayor', or whether you like fellow Adult Swimmers 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force', or whether you dig frequent guests Bob Odenkirk and John C. Reilly. Or, maybe, how much pot you can get your hands on beforehand, I don't know. It's alarmingly weird, like weirder than you were even, perhaps, expecting. I think it's pretty great, but, then again, I'm very, very odd..."

JE: "But see, I think I can handle most of what Adult Swim throws at me, and at first I could barely stand to look at Tim and Eric. But after repeated viewings (and no illegal substances I can assure you) it just started to settle in and I started to laugh. Maybe it's their love of synthesizers and bad laser effects. Maybe it's the fact that nothing ever makes sense and doesn't have to. Maybe it's
the fact that its one of the few times in recent memory Jeff Goldblum made me laugh. I think what I like most is the fact that they have the power to jump from something seemingly normal right into 'strangest thing you've ever seen but you're laughing and feel ashamed' territory with ease."

New releases to Videoport this week:

Friday Night Lights - Season 2: "Just for you, J-man! Oh, and for the rest of the Videoport rental community, of course. (But let Justin get first crack at it). I still haven't watched this show, even though my friend and co-worker Regan (who hates and makes fun of all sports, as well as any coworkers who just happen to like to wear Red Sox jerseys every day because he likes them) loves it, swears by it, and will talk your ear off about it, even though it's about high school football. If that's not a solid recommendation, then I don't know what is."

Ten Questions for the Dalai Lama: "Filmmaker goes on a spiritual quest, culminating in an audience with the titular spiritual leader. His first question: 'What are those little plastic things on the end of your shoelaces called anyway?' left a little to be desired, but I'm sure he pulls it together."

And just because I'm still rooting for that Stephen Dorff comeback, Videoport brings you the long-unwaited DVD release of Dorff's crime thriller "Blood and Wine" where he costarred with Jack Nicholson. Rememeber those days when the Dorffster was teaming up with Big Jack and not Tara Reid? I'll bet he does. I'm still rooting for you Steve..."

And on that note we're almost done with this whole affair. But before you leave, consider this:

- Philisophical and moral qualms aside, what makes people object to something before they've seen it?
- Name at least one GOOD romantic comedy. Just try.
- Can you explain "Tim and Eric?"
- Name a respectable Stephen Dorff feature.
- BONUS: How awesome is "Friday Night Lights," and why aren't more people watching it? (OK I may be biased on that one.)

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