For the longest time I've been trying to think of a name for the regular bit we do on Tuesday with Dr. Videoport Jones on new DVD releases.

I like the sound of "Press Play," but do feel free to tell me if it's crap.

Anyway it's Tuesday, there are new DVDs to be rented and bought, so let's get on with the show!

Lars and the Real Girl

Videoport Jones: "I respectfully, and perhaps fearfully, refrain from speculating about the level of interest, bordering on mania, that Videoport customers have exhibited in the coming of this film to DVD. In it, Ryan Gosling (whom I really appreciate, but Justin, as I recall, goes 'meh' towards) plays the titular Lars, a sweet-natured, delusional young fella who develops a deep, meaningful relationship...with the realistic sex doll he orders from the intra-nets (which is, of course, what the intra-nets is mostly for). It's touted as a heartwarming, quirky little gem, and I will watch it. Hey, howsabout making a form-molded, glassy-eyed, inanimate night of it with the thematically-similar 'Love Object' (in the Incredibly Strange section) and the unutterably-creepy 'A Perfect Fake' (in the Documentary section). Videoport makes no judgements."

Justin: "I did indeed give Mr. Gosling a 'meh' rating some time back. Don't take that as a slight, I just don't get very motivated or interested in his work. This movie though I will have to give him points for. Not only doing a movie like this, but practically seeking out a movie like this says a lot about an actor's chops. (Is it OK to use the word chops?) If it takes a somewhat weird looking-on-the-outside type of story about a guy and his sex doll to talk about relationships and love, then who am I to judge? Although I think I may stay away from those other selections. But thank goodness Videoport does not judge either."

Juno

VPJ: "Let the quirky, indie stampede begin! This acclaimed little movie-that-could stars Ellen Page as the spunky, precocious eponymous heroine who gets spunkily, precociously knocked up by her equally-outsider-y pal, the always-befuddled, ever-hilarious Michael Cera (of 'Arrested Development' and 'Superbad') and copes, spunkily, with the situation. A good, funny little movie that overcomes its initially-too-cute-for-its-own-good script and turns into a solid, even moving, time. And don't worry, we've got lots of copies..."

JE: "This movie pretty much had me at the start with its awesome cast. Let's not forget Jason Bateman (also of 'Arrested' fame), Jennifer Garner, J.K. Simmons, Alison Janney and the heretofore unknown but excellent Olivia Thirlby. I didn't really think about it when I saw the movie, but you're right that the script could have been a little too cute. Some people (I call them nitpickers) said the movie was too saccharin in its dealing with the issue of teen pregnancy. Maybe so, but the strength of the performances from the cast is what keeps this movie together and a joy to watch over and over. Obviously this film introduced the world to the delightful Ellen Page, but let's not forget that it once again gave us a look at Michael Cera's sweet gams."

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

VPJ:"'Director' Uwe Boll brings out yet another 'film' based on a video game and proves, once again, that he is THE worst director since Ed Wood. Seriously, I'm not being cute here; many a hack reviewer likes to throw out the whole 'the next Ed Wood' comparison in order to make a point, but Herr Boll is massively, hilariously, inexplicably (for someone who keeps getting funding) INCOMPETENT "director" of awful, awful crap. From lame special effects to abominable dialog to scenes (like the one in 'Alone in the Dark' where a dead character begins to get up before the scene actually ends) that would have been laughed out of any community theater film class to coaxing hilariously dreadful performances out of actually-talented actors (this time Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, Ray Liotta and others look like soap opera wannabes), Boll is so bad that I am beginning to suspect that his entire career is the product of some vast, heretofore-unequaled-in-its-intricacy 'Punk'd'-style prank on the rest of us. If so, well done Ashton...I tip you my cap..."

JE: "If only that were true. If only. I think the man keeps getting work based on his larger than life and stranger-than-the-films-he-makes persona. You get the feeling that he probably believes he is directing excellent movies. Maybe he thinks he has a mission in life. Either way, at what point do studios stop handing this guy the keys? He must reach some threshold for profit on his movies, no matter how small. Otherwise why would he keep getting work?"

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem

VPJ: "And speaking of incompetence and the paucity of ideas in Hollywood, here we have a high-concept, cross-franchise sequel-prequel. Please excuse me while I set myself on fire. Okay, let's see: it's a prequel to the Alien movies, and a sequel to the Predator movies (except maybe 'Predator 2' whose dystopian future seems to have been retconned out of continuity), and a direct sequel to the previous cinematic abomination 'Alien vs. Predator' which attempted to capture the magic of at least three of the original films by turning them into a bland PG-13 mishmash. There are Predators, there are Aliens, and there are really boring, soon-to-be chest-bursting humans caught in the middle and talking, and talking, and talking, and doing really stupid things. Boring, lame, and utterly unnecessary. Over to you, J-Man!"

JE: "If you'll excuse the pun, I think this is a feed-the-beast type of flick. They know this movie has no real purpose for being. Nothing will be accomplished by it existing, and nothing would be the worse had there been no follow-up to the first 'AVP' movie. But no. I understand this is the stuff of some fanboy dreams and constant nerd fights, the heated exchanges in the range of 'Batman vs. the X-Men,' but is this really the best that could be done? And we have to think it's not gonna end here. Is there any doubt we'll get an AVP: 3 - 'Death Rain' or some nonsense? I think the Hollywood machine wanted more grist for its awful endeavors."

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

VPJ: "Gripping, wrenching, and all-around riveting thriller from having-a-late-life-renaissance director Sidney Lumet ('12 Angry Men', 'Serpico', 'Dog Day Afternoon', 'Network') stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Albert Finney in the tale of two brothers who, for various and tragic reasons, decide to pull a robbery on their father's business. The Hoff, people, the Hoff. What more do I have to say."

JE: "Not the Hasselhoff, just to clarify. The good one. Don't know much about this one but its got what sounds like a solid plot, features PSH (I'm on an abbreviation kick. Don't stop me.) and is directed by Sidney Lumet. I think 'Serpico' is one of my favorite movies of all time, partially because of that hard '70s aesthetic the movie had. But watching his other films, like 'Network,' made me realize it was also Lumet's style that sucked me in. Put me down for a rental."

I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With

VPJ: "Larry David's perennial 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' sidekick Jeff Garlin writes, directs and stars in this funny little bittersweet tale of an overweight, lonely guy struggling with his weight, his career, and his search for love. Rough around the edges, but Garlin makes for a funny, touching unconventional leading man. Co-starring Sarah Silverman and the delicious Amy Sedaris."

JE: "Jeff Garlin, Sarah Silverman and Amy Sedaris? Sold. I don't need to know anything else. Don't even bother to tell me. I'm not even going to IMDB it. Most excellent."

'Forty-something'

VPJ: "Now-American megastar Hugh Laurie (that's Dr. House to you) is actually British. Weird. Of course, those of us snobby-snobs in the knowy-know have snobbily known that forever, what with his brilliance on display in 'Blackadder', 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie', and elsewhere, and now Videoport brings you this BBC sit-dramedy about a middle-aged fella dealing with, well, being middle-aged. plus, I understand you get to see Hugh's bum."

JE: "That should send America running to the DVD shelves. 'See Dr. House's bum!' I feel like we've talked about this before, but I wonder what it's like for Brit actors who get 'discovered' by American audiences even after a successful career in British and international film and TV? Interesting tidbit I gleamed from IMDB, not only did buddy and funnyman Stephen Fry (also of 'Blackadder' and 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie') make an appearance on this show, but apparently the pair were also in 'Spice World.' Chew on that one."

And, for the gore-hounds out there (and right here), Videoport brings you:
Day of the Dead: "A direct to DVD remake of George Romero's zombie classic. And, by classic, of course I mean, 'badly acted and sort of unrealized, but inexplicable effective cult movie.' Ving Rhames is in this one (for about five minutes), which might count for something. Mena Suvari is also in it, which may count against it even more. But, hey...ZOMBIES!"

Inside: "Gory, insanely disgusting horror thriller from France about a pregnant woman being menaced by a psychotic, scissor-wielding loony-bird played by the always disturbing Beatrice Dalle (of 'Betty Blue' and 'Trouble Every Day' fame). Watch it in the original French or the terribly-dubbed English version if you don't want to be distracted from the flying viscera by those pesky subtitles".

Not so fast - before you depart, consider these:

- Was Juno too cool for school or did it hit the right tone?
- Is Uwe Boll really a modern Ed Wood? Justify his career!
- What is the purpose of films like Aliens vs. Predator? Fan pleaser or mindless money machine?

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