It's Tuesday, which means Hollywood's opening up the DVD gates for all the films you may or may not have liked several months ago.

To wade through the mess we once again turn to Videoport Jones!

I Am Legend

Videoport Jones: "Will Smith has saved us from, well, let's see: aliens, robots, a giant mechanical robo-spider-thingy, and aliens a couple more times, and now he's back to rescue the world from, wait, what is it...oh yeah- zombie vampire dudes! Hot damn! I kid the Willster, of course. Smith is actually a really good actor, and he can bring some gravitas to even the most contrived green screen battle when he's not stretching his image and his acting chops with real movies, and he's good in this, the third adaptation of a classic sci fi story about one lone guy in a world full of, well, zombie vampire dudes (check out the earlier stabs like Vincent Price's 'The Last Man on Earth' and 'The Omega Man' with Chuck Heston in the sci fi section at Videoport!). Sure, there's the expected action, and some expensive (yet sort of disappointing) CGI, but there's also some real sadness, loneliness, and pain at the heart of the story, and Smith is pretty darn affecting. What can I say, guy's got charisma coming out the wazoo. We can only pray to the alien god Terl that he's able to fend off the greedy, slimy tendrils of the 'Church' of his pal Tom Cruise."

Justin: "Will Smith seems to be one of those actors who's capable of getting away with just about anything. I honestly wonder sometimes if he's capable of doing a bad movie. Not that there aren't bad scripts (because there are), but the public loves him so much. This one is on my 'to see list,' and I hate myself for missing it in the theaters. Unfortunately it came out during that holiday crush where I ended up seeing a bunch of movies, sadly none of which had vampire zombies."

Atonement

VPJ: "Adapted from the wrenching, tragic novel by Ian McEwan, this high-toned adaptation stars professional pretty people Keira Knightley and James McEvoy as would-be lovers caught in a years-long web of betrayal, war, fate, and all the other forces that conspire to keep pretty British actors from living happily ever after. Bring the hankies, and abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

JE: "Pass. Sorry, I know I should be more open to seeing different types of movies, but some things I just won't do. You can only have so much agony, suffering, longing and pensive looks before you hit the pause button and never press play again. Sure it has a war setting, and sure it has Brits (I love Brits!), but I'm putting this one in the 'Not even on a sick day' pile."

Enchanted

VPJ: "The lovely, funny and talented Amy Adams (from 'Junebug' and 'Talladega Nights') got hurled into A-lister-ness with this modern fairy tale. So that's something, anyway. I dunno, I haven't seen this tale of a fairy tale princess who gets transported to the 'real' world and smooches James Marsden and Patrick Dempsey for a while, all the while singing chirpy, Oscar-bait songs (I'm soo glad the song from 'Once' beat them), and I'm afraid I may go to my grave saying that, but, if you're a guy looking to score points with the missus, bring this one home as a surprise rental, maybe along with some candy. Oh, and one of those fake flowers that are actually underpants."

VPJ: "Videoport Jones the ladies man. You are smooth, like Michael MacDonald and Kenny Loggins smooth. I also took a pass on this one. McDreamy, your powers are useless against me. Go take that cut jawline and those flowing locks elsewhere. Uh, anyway, this one seems perfect for the scenario you described, but also the mom/daughter day at the movies, or dad/daughter trying to stay connected night in. If you like Disney and miss the old days of Julie Andrews serenading imaginary race horses (and real children), then this is the flick for you."

Love In the Time of Cholera

VPJ: "The sprawling, sumptuous tragic romance from master of same Gabriel Garcia Marquez gets the always-treacherous big screen adaptation treatment. At least this one has newly-ordained Oscarman Javier Bardem. Bonus Points go to Liev Schreiber's loutish character being named Lotario Thugut; Mr. Marquez, that takes balls..."

JE: "Comedy in the time of cholera from Videoport Jones. See, now this is another tale of tortured romance and longing, and yet, I would consider seeing it. Maybe for Javier and Liev, maybe because I never finished the book in high school. Either way, I am slightly more interested in watching this one then sticking out 'Atonement.'"

Southland Tales

VPJ: "Richard Kelly scored big cult classic points with his debut film 'Donnie Darko', so some studio gave him a blank check to let his indie dork imagination run unfettered, and run unfettered it did. Booed off the screen at Cannes over a year ago, this post-apocalyptic comedy musical romance thriller was reedited incessantly and finally, barely, released to a massive mixture of hostility, confusion, and indifference. So naturally I can't wait to see it. Featuring The Rock as a movie star, Buffy as a porn star, Kevin Smith, Stiffler, Justin Timberlake, Mandy Moore, and, for some reason, about 20 former 'SNL' cast members. I love ill-conceived, bloated, self-indulgent phantasmagorias."

JE: "I'll take a ticket to this one as well. There's a difference between development hell, studio hell, and what Richard Kelly has gone through. I think part of that is because he had a vision for this movie and maybe he didn't do the best job explaining it. It helps of course to have a significant cult following and a lot of friends willing to do favors, and others just wanting to get in on this project. I'll give the guy a chance, but still have no idea where this one is going."

The Seeker – The Dark Is Rising

VPJ: "A young boy unexpectedly discovers his place in a magical heritage and is plunged into a mystical adventure while discovering his vast supernatural powers in a film adaptation of a series of popular children's books. I'm sure they would have changed the kid's name to 'Larry Plotter' if they weren't afraid of getting sued to smithereens..."

JE: "Larry Potter and the Cribbed Plotline. We should not joke because a visit to any chain book store will reveal that making fantasy book series for kids is big business these days. My younger cousin once tried to explain one to me that involved magical talking cats and a coming battle between good and evil. Does anyone ever wonder if publishers take a Mad Libs approach to these things and basically pull a bunch of random nouns together and run off a series of books? Or is that just me? Freakin' kids...read comics."

Revolver

VPJ: "Guy Ritchie. I liked 'Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels". I enjoyed 'Snatch' as much as I can like a clone. I, as a favor to you, did not watch your Lina Wertmuller remake 'Swept Away', starring your spouse, and the rest of the world showed you the same courtesy. Now you've run back to the 'quirky, spazzy British gangster' subgenre, roping 2-time star Jason Statham in again, and come up with a murky, overstylized, overacted, third clone. Dude is done."

JE: "How many times can you go back to the well? Obviously there is no shortage of interest in seeing Jason Statham say cocky things in a cockney accent (HA!), rumblin' with gangsters and enjoying narrow escapes and women. Heck, without Ritchie some would argue Statham would not be where he is now. (Though I would say 'The Transporter' helped) But you're right, we all loved 'Lock, Stock,' and even Brad Pitt's weird accent could not take away from the fun of 'Snatch.' But at some point you gotta move on buddy. And please, for all of us, keep your wife out of the picture."

Conspiracy

VPJ: "Val Kilmer stars as an embittered Iraq war vet (and get ready for that movie stereotype to become familiar as this criminal, cynical, corporate-sponsored conflict grinds on) who returns home to find that his friend has disappeared and that...dum-dum-duuummmm...nobody in town even remembers he existed. Geez, I hope it's not some sort of...conspiracy."

JE: "Val Kilmer still makes movies? I though he lived on a ranch in Wyoming and herded alpacas. That may still be true. I'll save this one for reruns on basic cable. But you may be on to something. Just like the WWII vet and Vietam vet before them, the 'embittered Iraq vet' will soon join the pantheon of dramatic film archetypes."

Battlestar Galactica – Season 3

VPJ: "NERD SQUEAL!!!!!"

JE: "Oh frack yes! DOUBLE NERD SQUEAL!!!! But seriously, this show is more than sexy robots and brooding. I swear. If you're one of those people averse to sci fi, just take the sexy robots and spaceships out of your mind and then consider it. Substitute your favorite buzz word for sci fi space lingo, and I guarantee you'll dig in. Go. Now. Several seasons to catch up with on DVD."

Sleuth

VPJ: "Kenneth Branagh directs a remake of the Laurence Olivier/Michael Caine twisty turny two-man puzzle play with Michael Caine taking on the Olivier "rich old guy who likes to play mind games" role and professional Michael Caine role appropriator Jude Law as the pretty boy having an affair with the rich guy's wife. The original play's kind of fun, in a completely contrived and with a totally unplayable plot twist sort of way, and I'll watch Caine in anything. Well, except all those movies he just does for the money. Which is a lot of them."

JE: "At this point don't you think Michael Caine's earned those movies he just does for cash? For every one of those he's made Hollywood has made equally bad remakes of his classics. 'Get Carter,' 'The Italian Job,' 'Alfie,' for instance. It's like they need to pay a Michael Caine tax for remaking his stuff. ANYWAY, I'll catch this one because a Caine/Law character play sounds interesting, though if it comes to fists I think I'd take the old guy. That foppish Law, he's such a dandy cad. Did I say that right?"

Finally, here's Jonsey's picks for the rest of the new releases on the shelves at Videoport. Stop on down and take a pick.

Summer Palace: "Tragic, erotic, Chinese romance set against a backdrop of historical turmoil anyone? Check the foreign language section at Videoport!"

Five Days: "An HBO/BBC co-produced miniseries about the disappearance of a young mother/wife. It looks intense. What? I haven't seen it. I'm busy. Sue me..."

Tin Man: "The Sci Fi channel updates 'The Wizard of Oz' with a more disturbing, adult sensibility. As if the original isn't enough to give you the jumpin' heebie-jeebs."

That's all we've got for this week, but before you depart, some questions:

- Can Big Willy Style ever do wrong?
- Have a favorite sappy movie? Care to explain?
- Have a favorite kids book that hasn't been adapted for the screen yet?

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