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Award season's in the rear view, but there are plenty of movies that'll never see a statuette of their own. The New Releases are on the shelves and Videooport Jones is here with a few thoughts.

Beowulf
Videoport Jones: "The ancient, anonymously-penned Anglo-Saxon epic about the titular warrior and the rampaging monster Grendel gets ramped up with up-to-the-millisecond computer animation technology which makes everything look just as good as the cut scenes in 'Half Life'. Ray Winstone, Crispin Glover (awesome!), and Angelina Jolie do some voices and get the digital makeover from director Robert Zemeckis, who angles for some of that 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' 'groundbreaking animation' hype he got about 20 years ago. BTW, read John Gardner's novel 'Grendel' for a touchingly-compelling spin on the tale from the monster's point of view. Damned pro-human propaganda..."

Justin: "This one also gets my vote because the screenplay was co-written by Neil Gaiman. It's gotta be tough to take a story so well-known, worn and (most likely) hated because of high school and college assigned reading lists and turn it into a 'blockbuster.' Sort of like taking 'The Odyssey' and turning it into a hunky Hollywood...wait, didn't that happen? ANYWAY, much respect for trying to drop some knowledge on the masses stealth-style. I suspect the animation helps."

Silk

VPJ: "Period piece romance amongst the exciting world of worm merchants. Seriously. Pouty, vaguely-androgynous Michael Pitt ('The Dreamers', 'Hedwig and the Angry Inch') and Keira Knightley (from every heterosexual man's dreams) star as worm-crossed lovers trying to replace his supply of silkworms. Seriously."

JE: "Why are period pieces about so-called sexy professions always popping up? Soap, perfume, silk, what's next? I'd much rather watch a documentary on the history of this stuff than an oversexed re-imagined histo-drama. Unless of course someone makes a sensual drama about the birth of bacon. Maybe then. Maybe not."

30 Days of Night

VPJ: "Alaska. Vampires. A month with no turn-you-to-dust sunshine. It's VAMPIRE SPRING BREAK!! WHHHOOOO!! Videoport's horror section gets a little more fangy with Josh Hartnett as the babyfaced, unconvincing sheriff and Danny Huston (who was really good in the Aussie western 'The Proposition') as Mr. Bitey".

JE: "Mr. Bitey? Grrr...argh...here comes Mr. Bitey kids, straight for the jugular! Jokes aside, this adapted graphic novel got lots of good reviews in spite of Mr. Hartnett. If you want him in a real horror flick, may I recommend 'The Faculty,' also staring Oscar host Jon Stewart. OK, more jokes aside, this one is good if you count yourself as a vampire fan or horror fan. Finally a horror flick that does not involve some poor blonde meeting the business end of an industrial wood planer."

Death at a Funeral

VPJ: "Frank Oz directs this Brit black comedy about a family gathering for the titular buryin' and unearthin' a whole mess o' family secrets. Wacky, ghoulish and pretty darn funny, this one stars token American laugh machines Peter Dinklage ('The Station Agent') and Alan Tudyk ('Firefly') amongst the BBC crew."

JE: "Oh those wacky Brits. Always with the upstairs, downstairs, hijincks that make the queen mum blush. This one may have caught me at the right time, since I've found myself watching a lot of BBC America lately...and understanding what they are saying most of the time. (Not to mention picking up useful slang like 'The dog's bollocks,' for instance.)"

The Darjeeling Limited

VPJ: "Director Wes Anderson's first three movies ('Bottle Rocket', 'Rushmore', and 'The Royal Tenebaums') are, without exaggeration, three of the best movies I've ever seen. Think I'm kidding? I actually am breaking out in gooseflesh just thinking about them right now. I recently rewatched "The Royal Tennenbaums" and, again, found myself actually in awe, staring mouth agape at how g-d perfect it is. So, when I saw 'The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou' and saw the effects so effortlessly pulled off in the past look forced and contrived, I was genuinely depressed for a month or so. So, yes, I have chickened out and not watched this one yet; I'm just not prepared to see if yet another cinematic hero has continued his artistic slide or, somehow, turned things around back to geniustown. Call me a coward, I'm just f-ing terrified to watch this movie. I'll work up the courage and get back to you."

JE: "Worry not Jonesy, I'll take a look and let you know. I've heard the 'liked the first three, did not care for Life Aquatic' line from many people. I personally liked Life Aquatic. While not the best of Anderson's movies (Tenenbaums gets my vote for that honor) I feel it was genuinely funny. You get Bill Murray versus Jeff Goldblum. ANYWAY, I'll take a gander. This one at least has Jason Schwartzman back for the ride, so that has to count for something."

Extras - The Series Finale Special

VPJ: "Ricky Gervais brings the uncomfortably hilarious tale of perpetual entertainment footnote Andy Millman to a close with this wrap-up special. Gervais is a genius, 'Extras' is brilliant, this stars the one in the other. I have absolutely no idea why you aren't watching this right now."

VPJ: "Still have not seen this series that everyone luvs oh so much. It's understandable given Mr. Gervais' talent for somehow making even the most painful of moments somehow funny. My guess is that the best part about wrapping up 'Extras' is seeing what he's onto next."

Chaos

VPJ: "British action thug Jason Statham, American IRS-dodging thug Wesley Snipes, and full lipped American prettyboy Ryan Phillipe star in this completed-two-years-ago-and-now-just-going-straight-to-DVD bank robbery thriller. I don't see why any of that precludes this from being good. I don't. I'm serious."

JE: "I could not agree with you more. To this day I do not call Ryan Phillippe by his name, I only regard him as 'Way of the Gun,' for the sorely underrated action flick with Benicio Del Toro and James Caan. You combine Statham, Way of the Gun and Snipes, who, let's face it, is really best when he's punching or kicking something - with the exception of 'White Men Can't Jump' of course. You put this in theaters and I don't see how it does not at least break even after two weekends. This is still America, isn't it? We likes our action movies."

Goya's Ghosts

VPJ: "Directed by Milos Forman and starring Stellan Skarsgard as the Spanish painter, this one's main appeal (at least according to the DVD box artwork) is co-stars Natalie Portman (as Goya's model, tortured by the Inquisition), and the great, and newly-Oscar-anointed Javier Bardem (as the aforementioned Inquisition meanie). I'll watch anything Bardem does, so, I'll put this one on the list of things to see eventually. I think that puts it at number 1,034, but still..."

JE: "Sounds interesting, but still I can't say this one goes on my list. Not because I just outted myself as a action movie sucker, but it has no appeal other than the talented Mr. Bardem. I think I would like to see him in a non-threatening role, so maybe I'll have to wait. And no, let's not talk about his hair from 'No Country.' In fact, let's not talk about that film at all."

Darkon

VPJ: "LARPing. 'Live action role playing'. People dressing up in nonsexual leather jerkins and playing 3-dimensional Dungeons and Dragons. That's the subject of this documentary, which is actually sort of touching, in a weird way."

JE: "LARP HARD, PLAY HARD. I think LARPer's should get as into their pastime as ultimate Frisbee people. If you've ever spent time driving around Portland you know you can on occasion catch LARP-in action, complete with shields, broad swords and armor. I have to admit that the first inclination is to laugh, but on second pass you do have to respect that kind of dedication. And hey, at least they're not furries. Look it up."

That's all for this week. Final thoughts:

- Be honest...did you really finish Beowulf in time for that paper/project in high school?
- Wes Anderson: Did he peak with "The Royal Tenenbaums?"
- If you were to LARP, what would be your role and why?

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