Tuesday's wealth of new DVD releases means there is plenty of praise and shame to heap on.

Lucky for me Videoport Jones, Videoport's chief strategist, film historian and quilter, is here to do some of the heavy lifting.

"The Ten," "The Invasion," "The King of California," and "The King of Kong." We've got a full boat today.

The Ten

Videoport Jones:"From the people who brought you the sketch comedy show 'The State*' and 'Wet Hot American Summer' comes this typically-hilarious revue film which skewers, in turn, each of the ten commandments. And when I say, 'from the people behind', of course I mean 'from the comedy geniuses behind'. Duh. With a carload of now-destined-to-burn-in-hell actors bringing it, hard: Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Michael Showalter, Winona Ryder, Liev Schreiber, etc.
*Oh, and if I may be allowed an outraged digression, even though it was announced that 'The State' was finally coming out on DVD, it has now been un-announced, most likely because of some greedy cretins' evil machinations. It's been taken completely off the board. This angers me. Please flood MTV's corporate website with hate mail. Please. Shut it down. 'The State' is as good as 'Monty Python', 'Upright Citizens Brigade', AND 'Mr. Show'. They are keeping it from you."

Justin: "Oh that is most upsetting. There must be retribution. There must be blood. As to "The Ten," I would be more angry at myself for not catching it last fall if not for the fact that the only place I remember seeing it listed was at the Railroad Cinema in Waterville. This movie has everything I want, the cast of 'The State,' the excellent Liev Schreiber and, oh yeah, Paul FREAKIN' Rudd. I wants it. I covet it. And if you're looking for someone to charter a protest group against MTV and it's decision to hold 'The State' hostage, then count me in."

The Invasion

VPJ: "Yet another remake of 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers', you say? Hmm. With Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig and the mure-talented-but-unjustly-little-known Geoffrey Wright? Hmmmm. Oh, it was sitting on the shelf for a few years? Um. And the studio hired some dude to reshoot a bunch of it? Ohhh. And Nicole Kidman sports the worst hairstyle in movie history (according to Videoporter, and hair professional, April)? Errrr."

JE: "Booooo. Remakes for remakes sake? Not completely thought out and conceptualized? It just seems lazy in a way doesn't it? 'Hey, anyone got a good idea for a sci fi alien flick? No? Hmmmm....crap.' I mean what is the point? This thing was in and out of theaters faster than a trailer for an ever crappier movie. I guess just like in real life, in Hollywood sometimes you just have to push things out the door and wash your hands of them."

The Nines

VPJ: "Unrelated to 'The Ten', this one stars Ryan Reynolds and Hope Davis as people caught up in one of those webs of circumstance you've heard of. Plus they may be other people as well. And things may not be what they seem. And you may become confused. Anyhoo, Videoport's Andy says this one is really good. Please hold him responsible if you don't like it."

JE: "This one may all hinge on how people feel about Ryan Reynolds, and to be honest, his resume may be confusing. He was 'Van Wilder,' for starters, but he was also apparently in a 'Blade' movie and he showed up toting a gun in 'Smokin' Aces' (but then again everybody who showed up in 'Smokin' Aces had a gun.). I am interested in seeing this one, and you are correct, Reynolds apparently plays different roles in the flick that may or may not be connected. Also, wasn't he in 'Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place?'"

The Comebacks

VPJ: "David Koechner is a funny dude. Hell, you know that J-Man, as he was Champ Kind, cohort of Papa Burgundy. But big Dave looks pretty stranded in this sports movie spoof which, like the abysmal 'Date Movie' and 'Epic Movie', confuses making a reference to some other movie with making an actual joke. (Example: a group of footballers is standing around when a girl walks by carrying a surfboard. One of the jocks says, "Hey, Blue Crush." And that's the joke. That there once was a movie called 'Blue Crush' about surfer girls. That is not a joke, and yet it, and "jokes" like it are the basis for this new (remedial) school of "comedy"). It makes me want to punch someone."

JE: "WHAMMY! You know Jonsey, this is why I like you. This is something that has been bothering me for a very long time. Look at classic spoofs, the great ones like 'Airplane!' or any of Mel Brooks movies. It takes more to make spoof than actors who closely resemble other actors, or making jokes so transparent that it's hard to summon a laugh. I just don't get it. I guess you could say overall that the quality of filmmaking is down in H–town, but yikes. It's not like I'm asking for sharp–witted satire here people."

Daddy Day Camp

VPJ: "Oh, crap. The original was bad enough, and they couldn't even lure donkey-for-hire Eddie Murphy back with a station wagon full of filthy Hollywood lucre. They could, sadly, lure Oscar-winner-and-then-the-horror Cuba Gooding Jr. Oh well, the poor bastard got to be in 'American Gangster' in the same year. I genuinely hope he pulls it together sometime soon. But this is not the way; (it's currently #18 on IMDb.com's 'bottom 100 films of all time' list. Ouch.)

JE:"Wow. You really have to wonder if Cuba's got a bad agent or just makes bad choices? He made 'Snow Dogs.' The only reason I know this is because I took my cousin to see it. He made that 'it's not gay bashing if it's funny' 'Boat Trip' movie. You hate to say someone is 'better that' something, but it seems like he's just going to waste. I mean John Singleton saw something in him when he cast him in 'Boyz N the Hood' right?"

King of California

VPJ: "Michael Douglas grows out the shaggy crazyman beard and harvests some decent reviews for a change as a recently deinstitutionalized dad who's convinced that there's buried treasure under the local megastore. Dig that soulless, local-business killing behemoth up and pee on the rubble, big Mike. We're all with you."

JE: "Uh...Buy Local? But seriously, Michael Douglas is still making movies? The last time I read something about him he brought up the possibility of a sequel to 'Wall Street,' but they were looking for the right script. Stick to the off center stuff Mike and do us a favor."

Rocket Science

VPJ: "Indie dramedy about a young guy with a stuttering problem who decides to join the debate team betrays the director (who also made the spelling bee documentary 'Spellbound')'s belief in the healing power of extracurricular activities. Seriously, though, it looks good, in a sort of 'Rushmore'-ey way."

JE: "I firmly believe in the healing power of extracurricular activities. I'm sure Student Council made me the man I am today...for good or for bad. A good rental pick, also, make sure to check it out for Portland native Anna Kendrick, who co–stars. So it's got that additional 'local girl done good' angle."

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

VPJ: "This documentary, about a dude trying to break the all-time Donkey Kong record is as stirring an inspirational story as Rockys 2-6 combined."

JE: "FINALLY I will get a chance to see this film. Twice I missed it. TWICE! When it came to the The Movies and then earlier this month when they had a showing at SPACE Gallery. I will not be denied. Jonesy I don't think it's fair to say its more inspirational than Rocky 6, because I've seen pharmaceutical commercials more stirring."

Curb Your Enthusiasm – Season 6

VPJ: "Seinfeld's funnier, meaner cousin continues to make your tummy feel all funny".

JE: " Thank you Larry David. Thank you. There are people out there who watch this show and either don't get it, or just get turned off by it. The fact that a guy could be so cynical, self–centered and just an outright jerk can turn people off. But it's sooooo good and by the end of each show Larry usually gets what's coming his way. Plus, how can you not like all the cameos?"

Aqua Teen Hunger Force – Season 5

VPJ: "Frylocke, Master Shake, and, of course, my man Meatwad continue to torture neighbor Carl, trade insults with ineffectual aliens, destroy much of New Jersey, and basically sit around and insult each other for your, and definitely my, enjoyment."

JE: "Five seasons. Wow. Who knew talking food living in Jersey would have such staying power. Although I did watch a really bizarre episode the other night that involved Carl and former Philadelphia Phillies player John Kruk. ANYWAY, more Moonintes please."

That is all for today but before you go, some questions:

Do you have fond memories of "The State?" Share them...especially if they involve pudding. What possible excuse can there be for bad remakes in Hollywood, especially if they won't make money? Also, is it so hard to make a good parody that doesn't involve cheap jokes or Carmen Electra's chest? Cuba Gooding Jr., what happened there? The Aqua Teen Hunger Force moves in next to Larry David...discuss the possibilities.

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