Does anyone ever stop to think about why there is a cottage industry of movie or film criticism? Does anyone ever wonder why we need reviewers?

Don't start wondering now, because there's new DVDs on your store shelves today, and Videoport Jones is here to tell you what to think.

As a pixelated alien once said, "Don't question it!"

"Ratatouille"

VPJ: "In the Pixar vs. Disney debate, I submit to you, has their rodent ever made anyone laugh? I thought not. Pixar shows that you don't have to treat children like pampered, imbecilic little pets, nor do you have to front-load your animated flicks with slumming movie stars and pop culture references. It turns out that all you have to do is work from good scripts, take the time and effort to do the animation right and get voice actors suited to the material. Then you won't seem like a creaking, bloated, outdated merchandising machine. Love the Pixar."

JE: "OBJECTION! I personally loved '101 Dalmatians.' Wow man, you have some Disney issues going on in there don't you? Is it the prevalence of parent death in the films? Perhaps the 'Saw'-esque beating of prized franchises into the ground? Is it the Disney Channel? ANYWAY, I was strangely weary of this flick, despite the fact that I love Pixar ('The Incredibles' is probably one of my favorite movies of all time.) and Patton Oswald. But one of the things that really struck me with this flick is that it felt like one of those old school Disney movies - there was detail, but quiet touches in throughout the story and the art. If you'll allow me to put on my Predictable Film Critic hat for a second, the movie had a lot of heart. You really cared what happened to the characters. Also, they deserve points for excellent use of Peter O'Toole."

"Sicko"

VPJ: "Thank goodness for Michael Moore. That's right, I said it. Snotty, confrontational, funny, occasionally obnoxious but more often completely correct voices (like Moore, George Carlin, Al Franken, Penn & Teller, Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, and others) are the lifeblood of a democracy because they ask the really inconvenient and embarassing-to-the-man questions and demand answers, in their own singular ways. So what did Moore do to earn the wrath of Fox News this time? He pointed out that most Americans have no health care ("but only poor people" screeches Bill O'Reilly), and that those who do are increasingly more painfully screwed by the massive corporations whose only goal is profit, and whose greatest profit comes from denying care to people who need it most ("that's Commie-nism!" brays Anne Coulter). A riveting, heartbreaking film."

JE: "Oh-oh. Jonsey's blood sugar must be off. I missed this one in the theaters, and I tell myself that it was because I was lazy and not that I didn't want to see Michael Moore. I'm really of two minds about the guy. While he tackles subjects that are incredibly uncomfortable, I don't always like the way he goes about it. Sometimes I could do with less Moore-ism and Moore theatrics. Sometimes when something is so despicable, deplorable or sad, you don't need him popping into frame or putting his hand on someone's shoulder to comfort them. Still, he does work that, if not for his personality, would go on PBS and not be seen by parts of the country. He does get points in this one for broaching the subject of the underinsured. It's one thing to not have insurance, it's another to discover what you have is not good enough."

"Deck the Halls"

VPJ: "Or deck those who foist utterly asinine but guaranteed to make money holiday movies every Winter ('Christmas With the Kranks,' 'Jingle All the Way,' 'Surviving Christmas,' 'I'll Be Home for Christmas,' Please Just Whack Me With a Shovel and Spare Me This Christmas, etc). Who goes to see these movies where the highest aspiration is to take more blows to the crotch than Chevy Chase did in 'Christmas Vacation?' Anyway, Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick cash paychecks in this one."

JE: "Jonsey, where is your yuletide spirit? I think the problem is that Chevy Chase set the bar with 'Christmas Vacation,' (the last time that could probably be said about his career). That movie had the pratfalls, but also resonated just enough with the unspoken vitriol we all have over the stress of the holidays. The other problem is that there is the expectation of 'The Christmas Movie' each November and December. Its there because studios think people want it. Maybe they do. But when you get out of the house during the holidays do you really want to go see a movie that looks eerily similar to what you were trying to get away from?"

"I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry"

VPJ: "Adam Sandler, while juvenile and catering to an almost exclusively juvenile fan base, has actually always been rather gay-friendly. It's neat that someone with so much power in Hollywood inserts positive gay characters in a lot of his movies along with the boob jokes and 'funny' accents, and I mean that. That being said, I genuinely don't want to watch this movie. Although if just one oafish, beer-swilling goofus decides that gay-bashing isn't cool because of the Sand', then I support its existence. Barely."

JE: "I missed this one as well. Emphasis on 'missed.' I also couldn't figure out if this movie was gay-bashing passing as hijincks. Of course all of this could be remedied if I just saw it, and maybe I will when it gets to TNT. Still, you do have a point. If Americans can accept Happy Gilmore and that fat guy from 'King of Queens' learning life lessons about bigotry, then that's progress-tainment!"

"John Waters: This Filthy World"

VPJ: "Directed by 'Curb Your Enthusiasm''s Jeff Garlin, this documents the gleefully twisted career of Baltimore's King of Trash. A gay role model of another, decidedly more interesting type, Waters is welcome in my DVD player any day."

JE: "I'll have the check this one out. It's an interesting career Waters has carved out for himself, basically making things that were taboo and socially unacceptable funny and OK for people. Granted not everyone gets into his movies, but when "Hairspray" gets remade into a musical, then a movie about the musical, you know you've achieved something. It's only a matter of time before 'Pink Flamingos' gets remade into a musical, right?"

"Blood Car"

VPJ: "In this horror movie, a car runs... on human blood! Well, with the price of gas being what it is, who can blame it! (That last joke brought to you by open mike night at the Comedy Connection)."

JE: "That was too easy. I feel that was cheap, even for you Jones. Why not something like, 'Well, that's one way to curb our dependence on foreign oil!' ZING!"

"Flanders"

VPJ: "This French film from director Bruno Dumont promises to be as full of disturbing, inarticulate, rutting Frenchies as his 'Humanite,' and 'Twentynine Palms.'"

JE: "Only at Videoport ladies and gentlemen! Talking rats with refined taste and inarticulate, rutting Frenchies."

"Flight of the Conchords"

VPJ: "I'm in hipster heaven with the release of this HBO comedy series about 'the fourth best New Zealand folk comedy duo" trying to make it in NYC. Absurdist weirdness is my metier."

JE: "Being one of the poor few Americans without HBO, I did not take this one in. But thanks to the Internets I got a taste...and I liked it. In particular, Hiphopopotamus always makes me laugh. Sign me up."

As always, here's Mr. Jones' picks for the new releases down at Videoport

"Penn & Teller: Bulls**t" Season 4 - "The aforementioned wiseass muckrakers and magicians continue to debunk the previously bunked (Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster) and to expose the unparalleled jerkery of the Boy Scouts, death penalty supporters and abstinence-only 'educators' (listen up King Middle School critics!)."

"CSI: Miami" Season 5 - "I am convinced that David Caruso playing it straight is the funniest man on TV."

"The Wendell Baker Story" - "Written by Luke, directed by Luke and Andrew, and costarring Owen and Luke, this indie conman comedy is practically a Wilson family outing. If it's nearly as good as the boys' first collaboration (Bottle Rocket), it'll be better than most things released today."

Never let it be said that Mr. Jones is not an opinionated man.

Here's today's questions - How does "Ratatouille" stack up next to Disney's classics? Michael Moore - do the ends justify the means? Is John Waters mainstream? Why are Christmas movies so bad these days? Are they a necessity?

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