You should all be happy Videoport Jones is with us today to talk about the week's new DVDs. I heard that following the Red Sox victory he went on a terrible bender.

Here at Press Herald Plaza we heard reports of a pants-less man in a Youkilis jersey running down Middle Street leading a pack in chants of "Viva Red Sox! Down with Joe Buck!"

Oh Jonsey, you irrepressible scamp.

"Spider Man 3"

VPJ: "'Spider Man/ Spider Man/does as well as a third sequel can...' I love director Sam Raimi. Have ever since his awesome, gross-out horror days, and I think he's taken, by far, the best swing at the usually-disastrous superhero genre with his Spidey series. The original suffered a bit for 'origin-itis', the second was better, and the third? Well, I think its a shame for complaining that Raimi tried to do too much when most sequels are so abysmally lazy, but three major villains, the symbiote/dark Spidey storyline, plus Peter Parker's personal problems (alliteration, love it!), made for a bit of a rush, a tad of a muddle. Still, lots of fun stuff to be found here, and I hope Raimi is ready to move on to something darker."

JE: "Well rushed is one way to look at it. I could go on and on about the problems I had with this movie. You are right that they tried to do too much, and in the end I think it suffered because there was so many threads dangling around. With such a crowded cast I think a lot got wasted, like Topher Grace, Thomas Hayden Church and James "That'll do Pig" Cromwell. But more than anything I think they did more telling than showing. The thing that made the series good is that it did an excellent job showing that despite having these awesome powers, Peter Parker's life sucked. He was constantly putting people in his life in danger and he can't pay his rent. I love Raimi (and his affinity for Bruce Campbell), but I can't give him a pass on this one."

"Day Watch"

VPJ: "Sequel-time again, with this Russian follow-up to 'Night Watch'. Vampires, flashy special effects cribbed from the Hollywood playbook. Eh. The first one was a bit "look at me!" for my taste, but entertaining enough, and there's certainly a lot of buzz around the Videoport shelves about the new kid in town, so sharpen up the fangs this Halloween and slurp down some bloody borscht."

JE: "Bloody Borscht? I suppose I should say, 'Look for this one, it's got a bite!' or "Daywatch is one vampire movie that doesn't suck!' Sorry. If you're into horror movies and new takes on classic horror, you'll like "Night Watch" and "Day Watch." Why is it now vampires are becoming sexy again? Looks like Joss Whedon was ahead of the curve. Sigh."

"License To Wed"

VPJ: "Jon Krasinski (aka 'The Office''s Jim Halpert) is a master at turning the ridiculous behavior of those around him against themselves. Against the spastic, embarrassing babblings of Robin Williams and the doe-y eyed simperings of "what kind of world is this when this person is a movie star" Mandy Moore, even the master of coolness-under-fire Halpert would be helpless. Robin Williams needs to just stop now. He's embarrassing himself, annoying us, and tarnishing his once-deserved comic reputation. Oh, and supporting roles by 'The Office's Angela, Kelly, and Kevin can not bail Jim out on this one."

JE: "Well I guess all comedic actors have to start somewhere. Krasinski saw an opportunity to make a film with a guy who has sizable chops when it comes to making the funny. Or at least he did ... a few decades ago. You almost wish Robin Williams would go one way or the other. Either be the serious guy who makes 'One Hour Photo' and 'What Dreams May Come,' or be the spastic monkey who does impressions and generally outlives his welcome."

"El Cantate"

VPJ: "Sure, I've got a can't-miss idea! Jennifer Lopez, starring alongside her real-life husband in a vanity project! What could go wrong? Oh, yeah. Gigli. I'm off to rehab now; please hold my calls..."

JE: "Ha HA! Zing! I hate to trash the movie without seeing it, especially because the topic sounds interesting - rise and fall of a Puerto Rican salsa singer in the 70s and 80s. Of course anyone is going to have a hard time getting over the fact that it stars J-Lo and Marc Anthony. If you are fans of the couple, then you're locked in. If not, then, well, you'll take a pass. It's not exactly 'Lady Sings the Blues.'"

"No End In Sight"

VPJ: "This documentary posits a particularly bleak future for the ongoing war in Iraq. Like Vietnam bleak. That sounds about right. Remember to vote, kids."

JE: "Ha Ha! How 'bout those vampire movies! Uh, moving on..."

"Captivity"

VPJ: "Remeber Roland Joffe? He directed 'The Killing Fields'. That was pretty good. This stars Jack Bauer's bland daughter as a starlet who's kidnapped and tortured for about two hours. That's right, the former Oscar-nominated helmer has joined the torture-porn sweepstakes, against Eli Roth and the monkeys-with-typewriter army responsible for the 'Saw' juggernaut. And he's losing."

JE: "I don't know what more we can say about this new snuff genre. We've railed against it almost weekly. Obviously there are themes that Hollwood likes, ideas that sell and time-honored traditions in movie making. Most movies (and dramatic/action TV for that matter) stick to the idea of "sexy girl in trouble," as a plot point. Speaking of Joss Whedon, how much could we pay him to make a movie where a girl goes on a crusade and butchers the people who create these torture porn scenarios?"

"Talk To Me"

VPJ: "I know Justin - you don't quite get the appeal of Don Cheadle, and I respect your opinion. Despite it being completely bug-nuts crazy. Cheadle stars as a real-life con-turned-smooth-talking DJ in this drama, and he's supported by equally-unappreciated-yet-outstanding character actor Chiwetel Ejiofor (of 'Serenity'). I'm there."

JE: "No, no, no. Do not let me be misunderstood, Jonsey. I thoroughly enjoy the Cheadle. I am a fan of Cheadle. Some of my best friends are Cheadle. The point I was making was that I don't know if the public sees him as a leading man. This movie might be a case-in-point. He's headlining a good cast and a real life story practically tailor-made for film (con man Petey Green's rise to fame as a DC-area DJ during the tumult of the late 60s and early 70s.) Yeah, I'm in too."

"In the Land of Women"

VPJ: "A young prettyboy movie writer goes home to take care of grandma, and lives and learns and loves from/with the houseful of ladies next door. Anyone suggesting that this film will only be watched in the titular country will be considered boorish, sexist ... and correct."

JE: "HA! You are on FIRE today Jonsey. Took a pass on this one, but it does have that dreamy Adam Brody (of OC fame I believe), and the ladies do like him so much. Mix in a little faux chemistry, and a typical 'man learns to care for others, be a sensie,' plot you could find on the Lifetime Movie Network, and you've got a passable romantic comedy."

"Commune"

VPJ: "Eschewing the easy laughs too-often directed by bloated, reactionary, warmongering greedheads, this documentary about one of the longest-remaining 60s communes is an insightful, thoughtful look at people who decided to put their ideals into action, and how those ideals were challenged, changed, and nearly destroyed over time."

JE: "Hippies? Dirty, filthy, hemp-growing hippies? Are you mad Jones? Talking about hippies here! In MY HOUSE! You disgust me. This bunch of peace-loving drop-outs are what's wrong with America, and what has been wrong since the free-love days of the 60s. You bought the ticket! You took the ride! Ride's over Wavy Gravy!"

Finally, here are Mr. Jones' picks for what's new this week at The Port.

"Studio 60" - "The complete run of this ambitious behind-the-scenes-at-an-SNL-type show show comes to DVD. Aaron Sorkin created two of my favorite TV shows of all time (Sports Night and The West Wing) and I loved the pilot (which is all poor, cable-less I was able to see. According to those with more access than I, this show went pretty quickly off the rails, but I am still intrigued. I have a great affinity for noble failures."

"The Company"- "This miniseries traces the first 40 years of the CIA, the most immoral criminal organization the 'free world' has ever produced. And now my phone is bugged. Oh, and Justin's too. Sorry, big guy."

"And, if a lowly guest movie reviewer may say: Boston Red Sox- you make a brother proud."

That's all we got for today - Anyone else have thoughts on Studio 60's demise? Don Cheadle, leading man or perpetual second fiddle? Spider-Man 3: Out with a bang, out with a whimper, or just a complete mess? Vampires or more torture porn - you guess the next hot film genre!

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