After a brief - one week - hiatus, The Scanner has returned, chock full of all the useless, hilarious, and necessary things you needed to know, but did not know you needed to know.

You know?

First off there's a couple of events tonight:

Over at Sullivan Gym on the University of Southern Maine Portland campus, the Portland Branch of the NAACP is holding a career fair from 3 - 6 p.m. Some of the companies a today's career fair include L.L. Bean, Sweetser, Unum, TD Banknorth and Mercy Health Systems. It's never too early to start looking for a job if you're in school, or meet with college admissions staff to talk about how to get accepted to their school.

Wu & Associates Killah Priest is at The Station tonight, with a supporting cast of local hip-hop disciples, including Brzyowski, SayLove, Big Tiger and DJ Jon. Since it's at the Station you know it's ALL-AGES, so get there early. Doors are at 7 p.m. Tickets are $15 in advance, or $20 at the door.

Someone alert Disney Just remember this Cat lovers. When things go wrong and your house is burning down, it's your dog that will save you, and your cat who tried to kill you. (Thanks to NXT reader rd)

Not a good week for cats Police are looking for a Swanville man who is on the run after shaving the family cat and getting into a fight with his sister. Yeah. Wow.

No more lazy Sunday? If you were looking for "Saturday Night Live" clips on YouTube this week, like most of us you found nothing. NBC has retreated from the YouTubes entirely without mentioning it to viewers. The network is preparing to launch its own online video service called Hulu - which may or may not translate into butt in Indonesian - and wants no part of your tubes. So let's see, they jump from iTunes and YouTube. Good luck with that.

Yes, we’ll tase you bro Big taser news yesterday. The cops that sent a few jolts of reason into University of Florida student Andrew "Don’t Tase Me, Bro!" Meyer, The report also suggests that Meyers may have staged his rage, just to get attention. Hmmmm.

Empires It was just announced this morning that Microsoft is buying less than 2 percent stake in Facebook…for $240 million. We already knew Facebook Mark Zuckerberg was getting richer than any 23-year-old whose parents aren’t some kind of mogul, but wow. Microsoft and Google had been fighting over who would get a piece of the ‘book, because neither wanted to have to compete with it down the line.

Meanwhile, on the other social networking site MySpace, despite a terrible interface and mediocre design, has more users than Facebook. They’re looking to keep it that way, announcing it has reached a deal with Skype, that would allow users to make calls over MySpace. This week they’ve also announced deals for music and games to be available on the site.

Will Van Damme go for Thompson?As candidates in both parties scrable to slam each other and raise cash, Republican Mike Huckabee just went over the top. The former Arkansas Governor has been endorsed by Chuck freaking Norris. Game over man, game over. (Thanks to NXT reader Matt)

The Truthiness America Deserves Speaking of the presidential race, apparently some people are already anticipating (or taking part in) a backlash against Stephen Colbert's decision to run in the South Carolina primary. Wow. What is this world coming to when we can't take a fake candidate seriously? (Note some language - it's from Gawker.)

Harry Potter and the Friends of Dorothy I know we're all reeling from the news this week, one of the most shocking outings in history... Dumbledor is gay, and proud. I for one, as someone who has never read one Potter book or seen one film, am shocked.

Truly, a great pumpkin Here's some ingenuity for you, and also useful given the Halloween weekend - beer brewed in a pumpkin. Interesting to note, the beer is not pumpkin beer, which is most excellent. (Hat Tip - Slashfood)

Stay strong you old badgerSo many of you passed on the news this week that Robert Goulet, is ill and in need of a lung transplant. Thanks for thinking of Mr. G. I'm sure he'll be back on his feet in no time. And what does it say about me that when people see Goulet news they think to notify me? (Hat tip to NXT reader Prince Bubiqwue for coming up with the phrase "Goulet-dar.")

Cook like a man, dammit. This is over a week old, but cool nonetheless. I've noticed recently that Porsche - the people behind the classic, yet sexy sports car - has gotten into the business of designing things other than sports cars. Behold Porsche has partnered to make a"Man's Kitchen." Give it a look and tell me you wouldn't cook steak in there...after wrestling a cow and downing a bourbon first.

Truly, truly outrageous! We all remember the 80s. (No, I'm not going into infomercial mode) The cartoons were awesomely bad, largely thanks to the public service announcements that got tacked onto the end of shows. Here's Jem offers advice to the kids about not taking rides from strangers, lying, pill-popping and shoplifting.

For an even better take, check out some of these dubbed versions of the old GI Joe PSAs. Knowing really is half the battle. (Careful, contains some colorful language.)

Now all I need is henchmen Some of you may have seen this before, but I had to bring it up. Did you know for only $1.5 million you could have your own underground missile base? It's true. A former Titan missile base in Washington that was decommissioned is up for sale. Naturally, you'd have to sweep it for zombies or molemen before setting up operation. Whose got ideas?(Hat Tip : Penny Arcade)

I want it, I want it, I want itFinally technology is getting to the place we all want it to go – really cool gadgets that we've seen in TV and movies. First up is this wrist-cell phone. Can the flying car be far behind? (Hat Tip: Gizmodo)

I want it, I want it, part II Wait... someone created a rocketbelt in the early 90s? Wow. Looks like we're getting closer to that flying car thing after all. (Hat tip: Boing-Boing)

I want it...part IIIWhile we're still on the subject of sweet futuristic vehicles, check out this new van/mobile office/strike team command center from Nissan. Yes, I know this is from a site named TreeHugger, but you have to admit that van is pretty cool. (Hat tip: TreeHugger)

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