It has all the makings of the perfect buddy cop flick, one's by the book, the other's a loose cannon. One is seeking redemption from a past he can't escape while the other is trying to save everything he holds dear.

They can't agree on much, other than when a movie's so bad it's not even "funny bad."

From the people who brought you "Meat Raffle," "Deceit on Sebago," and "Daddy Day Camp" - Videoport Jones and Justin Ellis are..."SHOOTING FROM THE HIP!"

"Reign Over Me"

VPJ: "While I like fully one third of Adam Sandler's comedies, I was genuinely blown away by his offbeat but decidedly dramatic turn in Paul Thomas Anderson's excellent Punch Drunk Love. This flick, with Sandler playing a depressed, mentally ill guy who lost his family on 9/11 and reconnects with old friend Don Cheadle promises some more of that surprisingly soulful Sandler magic. I'm not saying that Sandler's gonna win an Oscar anytime soon, but Cheadle is one of the best actors in the world and the matchup here is intriguing. I'll definitely see it."

JE: "It's always hard to dislike Don Cheadle, he's a solid actor - even in completely shameless pop fun like the Ocean 11 series. The thing is, as much as I like him, I don't know if he's a big enough name to draw people in alone. I think of this movie and I immediately think of the other Cheadle film I missed recently, "Talk to Me." Did they think Sandler would be a big name, even in a movie that is a departure from the "they're all laughing at you" comedies that made him famous? I'm gonna check this one out as well."

"You Kill Me"

VPJ:"Ben Kingsley seems to be having fun, in his later years, playing terrifying, demented psychos (check out his chilling, menacing gangster in 'Sexy Beast'), and here, playing a drunken Polish hitman who turns to AA to get his killing stroke back, he makes me wonder if his Gandhi was harboring secret fantasies of garroting the Queen of England. Tea Leoni and Luke Wilson round out the cast of this dark comedy."

JE: "Another one on the missed it list - the ones you hear about but go under the radar really duck out of the theaters quickly, especially around these parts, unfortunately. The plot alone is reason to check this one out, even if you have concerns about Tea Leoni or Luke Wilson."

"Surf's Up"

VPJ:"Again with the penguins! Jesus, people! Okay, yes, penguins are cute enough, but America now, officially, has a penguin fetish. Geez, get over it already. Anyway, this is an animated flick about penguins surfing on a ... wait a minute...SURFING?!? That doesn't make a lick o'sense! Penguins surfing on a tropical island; yeah, great idea. What, there aren't any tropical creatures who could more plausibly engage in this hot weather sport? All right, all right, I'll move on ..."

JE: "No, no, no, you don't understand Jones, this movie captures both the cute penguin market and the extreme sports market as well. Kids love this kind of crap. Add a few plush toys, a video game tie-in and a song by Smash Mouth or Sugar Ray and you've got a GOLD ... sorry, I think I was just channeling my inner studio executive. Yeah, you raise the two biggest points - why more penguins and why surfing? You can only suspend so much disbelief when watching movies, even animated ones."

"Evan Almighty"

VPJ:"A colossal financial disaster, this was the most expensive movie comedy of all time, and lost about a hundred million dollars. Do you know how hard it is to keep people from wanting to see Steve Carrell? He's freaking beloved! The 40-Year-Old Virgin was a classic. "The Office" is one of the best shows on TV! People seek him out! And yet this completely unnecessary sequel to an already mediocre movie was avoided as strenuously as if it had starred Carrot Top. That is not good ..."

JE: "Speaking of suspension of disbelief. I don't know if anyone - Steve Carrell included - knows why this was made. I think what happened is the Hollywood Sequel Machine was looking for a property and they made an offer to Carrell just before his star exploded into the atmosphere screaming "Kelly Clarkson" all the way. Also, poor Morgan Freeman."

"28 Weeks Later"

VPJ:"This sequel to the scary 'zombie' flick '28 Days Later' has a solid cast (Robert Carlyle, Harold Perrineau of 'Lost', Idris Elba of 'The Wire'), a good director, and promises to be one of the few scary horror movies released this year. My problem: fast zombies. See, zombie movies are scary because of the inevitable, inexorable nature of the phenomenon; wave after multiplying wave of shambling, uncoordinated, yet unstoppable and growing in number zombies is scary. Sprinting, ninja-reflexed 'zombies' are just silly and illogical. Might as well have someone jump out from behind the curtains every 30 seconds; it'll give people a little start, and then they'll forget about it. Fast zombies have no underlying level of terror. Still, this should be okay (as was the first one)."

JE: "Well, as a lover of zombies I have been repeatedly chastised for not seeing '28 Days Later,' because it has the zombs, but also British people, which I have a fondness for. Still, you do touch on something that has puzzled me as well. If the zombies have amazing zombie powers, aren't they really just any other horror monster? They might as well be vampires or something. I think you hit it on the head, the real fear of zombies is the fact that despite the fact that they are slow moving and dumb, they are tenacious and their numbers just keep increasing. We'll have this conversation again when '28 Months Later' is released."

"Rise"

VPJ: "Lucy Liu gets turned into a vampire. She is unhappy about that. She's got a crossbow. Michael Chiklis is along for the fun, so that's something, anyway".

JE: "Vampires. Lucy Liu. That's the main selling point here, and suddenly I see how this movie made it out of development - 'she's a sexy vampire!' Michael Chiklis you say? Is he a vampire hunter who plays by his own rules and does whatever it takes to get the job done, even if it means bending the rules?

Also new on the shelves of Videoport this week:

"The Italian Stallion" - "Made in 1970, this softcore porn flick starred one Sylvester Stallone as 'Stud'. Stallone was paid $200 at the time. Thankfully for all of us who sat through 'Get Carter', 'Rambo', 'Rhinestone', 'Cobra', and 'Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!', his humiliation continues to this day."

"Skyscraper" - "Anna Nicole Smith is an heroic helicopter pilot trying to out-McClane Bruce Willis in this 'Die Hard' ripoff as she battles evil terrorists (and, unsuccessfully, the urge to disrobe) in the titular high rise. Why does Videoport get these completely embarrassing movies? Because we love you!"

"The Bronx Is Burning" - "This ESPN series about the 1977 Yankees stars John Turturro as drunken hothead manager Billy Martin and Oliver Platt as tyrannical owner George Steinbrenner. Anything that makes fun of the Yankees is all right with me, of course, but this is also a fun, well-acted behind-the-scenes series."

That's it for now, but what are your thoughts? Classic zombies or ninja zombies? Why have penguins become the cute animated critter of the moment? Is Don Cheadle enough to headline his own movies? When will celebrities learn that if they ever hope to go big time they should avoid embarrassing "art flicks" and "thrillers" early in their career?

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