This is why you guys need to keep sending me stuff, otherwise how else would I know that I could purchase my OWN ISLAND?

Yes you read that correctly. For the low, reasonable price of $795,000 I could own an island off Machiasport.

Majestic Ram Island, around 16 miles total, sits 1.5 miles out in the ocean and is largely untouched by the hand of development. Owned by one family for since the 1970s, they’ve decided to put the island on the market and see what they could get.

This island may be a nature lovers dream, a place for camping by the sea, quiet hikes, seal watching and other daily jaunts. As they say in the eBay ad, “It's for people with a spirit of adventure. On an island like Ram you are under nature's spell, subject to its whims.”

That’s all well and good, but if I’m buying an island, there are going to be some changes.

First, we’ll need to change the name to Fang Island. Already that adds an air of mystery or danger, like Johnny Quest or the Scooby Gang got lost there.

Second, I will need an impenetrable fortress with high walls, turrets, heliport and pet jaguar sharks. I am of course talking about a mutant Jaguar-Shark half-breed, that will keep curious parties away.

Third, I will need minions – obviously there must be people to operate my personal navy (to fend off Green Peace obviously), groom the Jaguar-Sharks, make me a sandwiches and tend bar (obviously I would need to throw a swanky black tie bash on the island, if only to allow spies the chance to glimpse the inner workings before getting fed to Jaguar-Sharks).
The best of the minions could rise through the ranks, becoming my elite ninja-pirate guard - so deadly they wear eye-patches and face masks.

There’s a lot of potential there, don’t pretend like you wouldn’t accept an invitation to party on Fang Island. Plus, every Wednesday could be taco night!

I wonder if there’s a special loan for something like this.

Any better ideas for a personal island?

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